15. Matt McNea

Have you ever felt confident? Successful? Ever had one of those days where you feel like the cock of the walk and you want everybody’s business to be all about yours? Well, Matt here is there to tear it all away from you, smiling with pleasure as his well placed glib remark rips you from your self assured feeling of security and positivity. With the rapier wit and razor sharp ability to cut anyone down to size in any situation, Matt has raised my eyebrow on so many occasions this year. Never have I been so humbled in moments of glory by this man, and to round out the top 15 of the most intriguing, Mathew Gordon McNea wins out.  Matt excels at doing physical labour as fast as humanly possible. Never have I seen a stroke of the leaf rake sweep through a thick layer of matted leaves so swiftly, nor the sure and steady guidance of a heavily laden wheelbarrow, brimmed with the discards of an unworthy topsoil so speedily dispatched from a client’s backyard. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, Crimson Leaf Landscaping’s Head of Maintenance takes his job fucking seriously. And so, this exemplary behavior trickles downward to Matt’s underlings, like his idiot brother Alex, and that weird kid named Brock who cries at the drop of a hat and shits his pants… We’re all made of excellence, and McNea is one of the reasons why. To you good sir, I wish continued fervor in the arena of insults and self esteem lowering, and a happy new year, dick.

14. Paige Stewart

Paige was the first girl I ever met at University. Together we would romp and frolic the majestic Guelph Campus, skipping and laughing, collecting botanical plant samples, commenting rigorously on the personal appearance of ugly people, and ripping new assholes for those looser hick Aggie fucks that came to class drunk. All whilst getting shit faced every single night of the week. Fuck yeah. A delight in the presence of many, Paige has the uncanny ability to rock the tightest clothing I’ve ever seen, changing in and out of outfits at record speeds, as well as having strikingly perky breasts and lengthy legs… If given a pen or pencil, Paige can recreate just about any image you can conjure on command, even a top notch rendering of one of Georgia O’Keefe’s sexualized flower paintings, or even a Turner landscape… She’s just that talented. If Walt Disney were still alive, I’d have a mind that the father of Mickey Mouse would hire her in a goddamn heartbeat. Paige is one of the best friends a guy could have, and to her I send wishes of love and success for 2012. The #14 spot goes to her. Yay!

13. Dennis Wilson

Dennis Wilson is a man I’ve known for some time. Recently married and the father of two delightful twin boys, Dennis has landed himself on the path to financial security and recession proof employment in the trades sector. But what a lot of you reading this don’t realize is that he’s also training to become the next light heavyweight champion in the UFC. Dennis was born in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil, where he was trained from birth in Judo and Jiu Jitsu. His father would beat him with a hardened wooden cane and barbed chains as a child, feeding him only small portions of sticky rice and a varied assortment of insects for protein and vitamins. Dennis’ small electrified enclosure constructed next to the Amazon River by his abusive father would be constantly at risk of attack by jungle dwelling predators like Jaguars and Cobra snakes. In defense, Dennis would simply employ his mixed martial art expertise and break the neck of aggressive big game, or rend and devour the scaly flesh of the attacking serpents, providing him with the missing protein his insignificant rice diet could not afford… A true warrior, bred from the wilds of the Brazilian jungle, Dennis has hardened himself for the Octagon, a product of surviving the harsh underground fighting world of Brazil he escaped from, 6 short years ago. I love you Dennis Wilson, you and your prize-winning arm bar submission move and aggressive grappling technique. Happy New Year, Dennis ‘The Rio Ripper’ Wilson.

12. Annie De Grey

Planet Earth is by far a better place with this beautiful rolling stone, tumbling around its wondrous exterior. Annie is like Alan Ginsberg, Ken Kesey, Janis Joplin and Rosemary Leary all rolled into one fabulous person. Annie has spent the last year hitchhiking and trekking across Canada to places like Nelson and Canmore. Blown by the wind or influenced by the literal constructions of Tom Robbins, Annie is one of those down to earth, wholesome girls that knows what he fuck is happening in the world and wont hesitate to give you the gears when you’ve been a dick, or said some outlandish selfish bullshit. Annie is like a smiling, joyful chunk of exuberance, and I wouldn’t be the somewhat humbled man I am today of it weren’t for her. I’d feel damned lousy if she wasn’t apart of my life, and #12 goes to her.

11. Kelsey Atkinson-Derasp

Kelsey fascinates me. She’s a quadriplegic English undergrad at the University of Guelph, and she garnishes high marks without the ability to type or write consistently (with my help of course). I have never met someone with a larger comic book collection, video game collection or the ability to complete the most difficult Portal puzzle in record time. One time I started talking about how much I loved Superman and Spiderman while we were discussing super heroes. Then she told me how much Clarke Kent and Peter Parker acted like pussy losers, and that they needed to grow a pair of balls before they could measure up to Bruce Wayne’s pimpin’ steez. She has the foulest mouth an innocent person like her might have, not to mention the incredible guts and nerve of plowing through a crowd of student pedestrians trying to get to class in her high powered, off road electric chair, stone cold and determined to win the race against the able bodied fucks in front of her. For 2012, I wish Kelsey a solid graduation, and high hopes for a future in Video Game Development, something that gets her out into the world, and not cooped up in a small apartment in Guelph. Cheers Kelsey, you kick fucking ass.

10. Todd Morrow

Handsome Todd. Never have I met a more bitter English student. A man who hates his program with such passion and zest, that for some reason, he fits paradoxically well within the maddening confines of a Canadian Literature classroom, just so everyone around him can hear the utter poetry of his hatred and discontent at the ‘bullshit’ he is listening to. Todd is a strait up Christian badass. He rides a motorcyle, and sports tattoos that shrink my penis. He is also a fighter, with what looks like a right hand that could remove the chromium from some loser punk’s 1986 Cadillac Seville with one swipe. He is muscly and tough all right, yet he is sensitive, loving and a hopeless romantic, awww. He’s one of those guys ladies would just love to bring home to Mom for quiche and rosé, then go fuck the shit out of on his motorcycle listening to Slayer… If called to battle, Todd and I would fight valiantly side-by-side, annihilating anything in our path, and then eating it afterwards, blood, bone fragments and hair smeared across our faces… Then we would go home and have sex with our girlfriends and meet for beers afterwards, giving each other high fives and discussing the existence of God and the inner workings of faith and nihilism. To Handsome Toddy Tickles, I present the #10 spot, a perfect cap to an epic list of beautiful people. God bless you, kind sir.

9. The Underdown Siblings.

Do you remember in Anchorman when Ron Burgundy says he’s going to have a family band, and that he is going to roam the countryside with them and that Brick, Brian and Champ aren’t invited? Well, these kids are just like that band. Clad in robust 1970’s matching pants suits, wearing colourful headbands with flowers in their hair, playing flutes, harps and fiddles… Julian has the voice of an angel, like Gabriel foretelling the birth of John the Baptist and Jesus from on high… His version of Lay Lady Lay by Bob Dylan this summer lit a fire within my heart that’s still burning strong. Margot is like Cher when she was young and extremely beautiful and still able to hold a tune… She’s so regal, and her fashion advice is spot on, plus she’s like the mother hen, everyone loves hens, I know I do…  And then there’s the delightfully adorable Vivien. A shining beacon of cuteness that can be compared to rolling The Land Before Time, the The Fox and the Hound, and Thumper from Bambi all into a cute little innocent ball, with rosy cheeks. But the star of course is Flynn the Dog, a gentle, yet mammoth dark haired beast with a heart of gold. A valiant soul who was taken perhaps too soon from everybody this year. He was like Falcor from The Never Ending Story! Sometimes I would imagine I was Atreyu, riding him like a magic Luck Dragon, fighting against the Nothing and saving the Princess and the Ivory Tower from evil! To all of you I wish a fantastic year, and perhaps a full world tour of your wonderful ’70s style band with Ron Burgundy ‘n’ Friends… Cheers kids, you made my list, you’re cool cats.

8. Cody Hawes

Cody is the fist person to be inducted into the most intriguing list twice, and back-to-back to boot (except for Annie, but that’s different). Cody is like a country homestead in the fall, with a wood stove burning, apple pie cooling on the windowsill and hundreds of cats roaming the yard and wooded thicket just outside. Cody is going to be a radio personality for the CBC, I can feel it. She’ll be the next Sheila Rogers, interviewing famous authors about their books from places all over the world, plus a deluxe interview from the top of a light house in Halifax, with some famous bearded author guy that’ll take her out for dinner after and tell her its ok to have hundreds of cats, then bone her… Doesn’t that sound nice? I owe a monstrous debt of personal troubles and griping to this girl and an encore spot in the list is well deserved. Jimmy Jazz Trivia Tuesdays have been the feather in my cap so far this year at l’ecole. Thanks for makin’ my bed, feeding me breakfast and being so lovin’ good to me. XOXOXOXOXOXOX

7. The Love Gloves

A band of merry men with the combined skill on the baseball field matching the likes of Kelly Gruber and Juan Guzman from the 1993 Blue Jays World Series win. But only Kelly Gruber and Juan Guzman, any more talent and we’d be pushing it. That’s right, we’re pretty horrible, but fuck can we turn at least one double play a season. For some ungodly reason, in the past two years, the Love Gloves have managed to get all the way to the championship series at the end of the season, only to lose out to some surly fucks who drink too much and had kids too early… There’s a sense that we’re revered in the league as wild men, drunk with arrogance and high on a false sense of talent and good looks. At least I feel that way. Most of these boys I’ve grown up with, others, I’ve forgotten their full names…. But there is a real and tangible sense of camaraderie. There’s nothing like fielding a speeding softball on a baseball diamond fit for the crew of the Jolly Roger, I mean fuck, its like sacrificing your bottom row of pearly whites for an underfunded city relic, punctuated by spot lights that blind you, just as the ball reaches your unprotected skull in the outfield… It’s because of the Love Gloves that I’ve come to enjoy the smooth, white supremacist flavor of Pabst Blue Ribbon. A dollar a beer is ok in my books… This is my tribute to you boys, the Love Gloves, a fitting pseudonym for a condom. Cheers fellas, next season we’ll take it all, I can feel it in my bones.

6. Caitlin Faragher

It’s a pleasure and delight to pay tribute to number 6 on my list. Caitlin is one of the most beautiful souls I have ever met. With a smile that shines like the sun, her presence is like the warm familiarity of Christmas morn, or that time you tasted ice cream for the first time, or even that time you realized you could purchase the boxed set of Fraggle Rock on Amazon.com for half price! Caitlin is like adding salt to a meal, without her, there’s just no flavor in life. I mean, how can I not have flavour? I have skillfully spared the #6 spot for a girl that fills mine heart with the joys of a thousand mornings and the ability to look really good in almost any picture that is taken of her, from any angle, in just about any light. I mean, you’d have to catch her taking a shit to get a fouled print… Just sayin’. To you m’lady, I bestow a year filled with success, warmth and kindness of only the highest caliber and quality. Keep on keepin’ on sister, you’re the cat’s pyjamas.

5. Conor Hedley

This cat’s the shit. A world-class English student with writing skills rivaling the hard-boiled fiction greats of the ‘30s and ‘40s, like Hammett and Cain. Makes me jealous. Conor is a wicked bad photographer as well, making pretty pictures for fashion designers and skate board punks alike. Conor and I seem to share the same mindset when it comes to school; go to class, but leave all the work to the last fucking moment, and still pull of high marks and earn respect from professors. This year we saw the likes of a self-absorbed teaching asshole. A thespian prick, acting out scenes of Shakespeare in a disgusting melodramatic display each class, stroking his own ego for all to lament and falsely applaud. Disgusting. In contrast, we both experienced the wonder and oddity of a professor who knows just about everything, and I mean everything. If you think of something, anything, Gregor Campbell will have an anecdote that relates exactly what your speaking of to some kind of theory or criticism, be it tampons, Karl Marx or Vogue Magazine. The guys a goddamn sponge of information. I see Conor becoming a successful writer in the future, perhaps a journalist, a photo journalist even, but who knows, all I can say is I dig this kid, and he makes some days at school so much more pleasant than not. Happy New Year, fucker.

4. Ania Mallard

An enigma and a joy, Ania Mallard is but the icing on the cake in my English program. Unique is an understatement. She’s stylish, good lookin’, smart as fuck, and very well written. I’ve never met a girl with a passion for Star Wars as thick and viscous as this one. If I were as hairy as Chewbacca (I know this sounds weird), I’d feel safe in knowing that I could mate and reproduce smaller, yet equally as hairy and intelligent offspring with Ania. She would be my Han Solo (except Han Solo is a dude…. I get it). She’ll understand… Ania seems to break free from the uncomfortable norms you get from the ‘masses’ at school. I would very much hope for her sake that I see much more of her in the next year, for we are both kindred spirits, lovers of science fiction, fans of Carl Sagan and feminist theory, and we look really good while we’re at it. Keep it fucking real Ania, you make a nasal septum piercing sexy as hell.

3. Mikey Riddell

Micheal Jordan Riddell is quite a fella. His taste and style are original, different, he opens my eyes to seeing things differently; be it fashion, design or even photography, of which I’ve had a hand at helping him develop this year. Mikey’s had a successful year. After living in his car for most of it, he earned a job at The Design Exchange in Downtown Toronto, a hot spot for fashion events and design culture in all of Canada. Fuckin’ kudos right there my friend. He was able to move into town into the belly of the beast, and now the city should work its magic and carry this guy to places he deserves to go. Good things are on the horizon for this cat, personal ventures and new interior design jobs that should open doors for continued success up the ladder to the top. Don’t quit now brother, the light keeps getting stronger. Have a look out for this guy in the future. Happy New Year bro, #3 is yours.

2. Justin MacLean

With the soaring height and arm span of a giant man the likes of myself, MacLean comes in at #2. He’s got a winning smile, abs of steel and if your looking for concise and well-written analysis on the UFC scene, give Justin here a ring and he’ll talk your ear off. Feeling shabby at the bar? No problem, Happy Flask Man here is at your rescue; just a couple splashes from his magic flask cures any ailment or bar type affliction. Super! Are you feeling ambiguously gay, yet you’re the most heterosexual person you know? Hang out with Justin and his good buddy Eric, they’ll make you feel comfortably homo-social on any occasion, they stay up late on weeknights! Justin has a powerful thirst for seeking out the most fun in just a few short hours that the nighttime provides for a nocturnal beast such as he. If you have 6 hours to party harder than Robert Downy Junior in 1996, Justin will make damn sure you’re well equipped and well on your way to depravity, debauchery and the guy’s got a high leg kick that rivals Mike Vanderjagt when he played for the Colts! How can I not have this guy as number two? But seriously folks, in the last year I’ve come from the outskirts of Justin Town to living right at City Hall, making Council meetings almost weekly to discuss women, religion, current events, alcohol and even more women. Here’s to a good dude. Cheers sir, the coveted #2 goes to you.

1. Aubrey Underdown

Aubrey’s my main squeeze. She and I are like peas and carrots. She’s Bonnie and I’m Clyde, I’m Harry she’s Loyd? You see? Yep, if I were a sandwich, she would be the tangy zip of Miracle Whip, all creamy and slathered all over my delicious focaccia bread, rich with 5 healthy grains and full of nutritious fiber (I’m healthy). The sprinkles to my icecream, the icing on my cake, the jelly filling inside my vanilla strawberry jam doughnut. She is the oxygen carried by hemoglobin through my blood stream, allowing me to type these poetic words and smell pretty flowers, or yell loudly at senior citizens. She sums up the definition of pretty, I mean sheesh, look at that delightful punim. Don’t you just wanna squeeze it and take a little bight out of it? I sure do. To every beastly hairy freakish man like myself, there must be a delightful, sunny and far less hairy counterpart, and by golly she’s the one. I’d give 10,000 dollars if she were ever kidnapped, any more and I’d be broke, so 10,000 it is, no offense. Also, she spills everything, its really fucking annoying, I have stains all over my clothes and shit, and sometimes I get really worried when I have expensive electronics around her, she might pour a whole glass of cola on them… It’s nerve racking. But that was a digression and I apologize. Aubrey makes my world go round, and to her I have reserved the #1 position on my list of the most intriguing. I’m just so fucking intrigued, I just hope I stay that way, and that she doesn’t run away with an illegal immigrant named Raul. It’s a legitimate fear…. I’m smitten.

And so ends my list of the most intriguing. A cunning way of thanking and pointing out the good people in my life. I hope everyone had a good year, I sure did, and the next one will be just as super awesome as this one was, I assure you all. Check out last years list and the year before, its a Jeff Dalgleish tradition that should last until I die, but get progressively less hilarious and more pessimistic as time passes. Happy New Year, losers!

15. Liam Kearney and Stina Dios:

Liam and Stina are like Bonnie and Clyde. They’re criminals, sociopaths, sexual deviants and they’ve robbed me of my ability to appreciate just how sexy a couple can be, because lets face it folks, they’ve topped it (sorry couples to follow). I once witnessed Liam brandish a tommy gun, firing several rounds into the roof of a local TD Waterhouse Branch, just so he could be first in line to cash his paycheck, while Stina looked brazenly out the tinted windows into the bright afternoon sky, as her golden, Swedish locks rippled in the cool exhaust from the wall mounted air conditioner beside the branch manager’s office…. Stina and Liam are so much fun, and I thank them for brightening any house party, bar romp, or wedding I attend. They provide me with food and shelter when I’m in Toronto, and of course, provide me with something to aspire to, a badass, loving relationship. Take a bow, comrades.

14. Tyler Young:

I met this cat by coincidence, while editing a documentary film for an English class last year near the end of school. Little did I know, we shared some mutual friends, and to my surprise I discovered quite a talented man. Tyler Young is a photographer, film editor and all around multi media expert. He also moonlights as a private detective on weekends (he once helped recover a signed copy of Billy Joel’s An Innocent Man from the clutches of a evil vinyl collector, downtown. What can I say? I just love Uptown Girl, its a classic). On the very few occasions I’ve seen him since we’ve met, he always has a smile on his face, and in no time at all spreads the delight onto everyone else’s face. Ty heads up a multi-media company, Full Affect, you can check out the work here, its pretty excellent and of course a motivator for yours truly. I hope in the next few months we can kick back at the Albion with some beers and an exchange of our photographic know-how. A Guelph resident, and by proxy, a wonderful human being and father, this man lands #14, a tip of the cap to you, sir.

13. Dave Heidebrecht:

Dave Heidebrecht is super human, like I mean he could be a fucking android, built in a retired, top-secret soviet missile silo outside of St. Petersburg, Russia. Sent to Canada to spy on just how righteously awesome Canadians are. I’ve had suspicions…  I once saw the bastard toss 14 perfect strikes in a softball game this summer. To boot, in one game, Dave sacrificed his beautiful face for the betterment of the team by barreling headfirst into a chain-linked fence, ultimately saving a run, but unfortunately we lost the game. I could swear I saw a metallic interior skeletal frame protruding from the gash on his face, it might have been the Hamilton air in my lungs, but I could have sworn…. This talented human being leaves me reeling anytime I catch a glimpse of his work. Dave is one of the most gifted and worldly photographers I know. To match, he’s generous in lending out equipment and humble when it comes to compliments on his work. He specializes in landscapes, culture and images that capture the essence of the here and now, of anywhere he’s been, and he’s been far and wide. You can check his work out here, please be seated as you do so. #13 is reserved for such greatness.

12. Brett McClean and Christy Duncan:

I can’t say enough about this next couple. Christy an Brett are full of laughs, love, good food, good company and good music, all the trimmings of what a great pair should have. Missed terribly from here in Ontario, Christy and Brett now reside in Halifax, Nova Scotia. They also celebrated their marriage this summer, and holy fucking moly, what a hum-dinger that was. I’ve been to weddings in the past, but this one included so many close friends and colleagues that it made the event all the more intimate, and all the more a smash up. A first for me at the wedding was the concept that instead of tapping your glass or plate for a kiss from the bride and groom, you had to earn it, by writing a poem and then taking to the mic, and delivering it to the crowd. Only then would Brett and Christy share a smooch. That concept is of course, epic wedding history. They seem perfect for each other, and I don’t know when I’ll see them next, but I sure hope its soon. Come to Ontario for gosh sakes!

11. Duncan Martin:

Duncan Martin is another well-rounded chap I must pay homage to. If you’re unable to grasp the concepts of this world, from a geographical perspective, I highly recommend speaking with this guy. He’s a pretty decent photographer and by golly he’s an excellent musician too. Duncan once climbed to the peak of Mount Everest, BY HIMSELF. NAKED. He told me he took a disposable Kodak camera and that he has photos of his journey, but when I asked to see them, the look in his eyes said ‘don’t you fucking dare question my Everest summit, you unworthy man-child.’ Well, at least that’s what I thought his eyes said, so I backed off and continued on with a sip from my coffee and a slow downward glance at my study notes…. Duncan is a staple study partner, and for that reason, I hold him dear to my heart…. Even though he doesn’t make the top ten. Rock on, my good sir.

10. Jason Donovan:

Jason Donovan always puts a twinkle in my eye. He’s just full of it. Twinkling. The twinkling of a bright, shining star… I once saw Jason wrestle a fully grown Great White Shark in a lake in Peterborough. What boggled my mind about this sight was not the visceral power of his adrenalin filled body striking blow, after forceful blow at the bulbous, sensory nerve center located on the sharks head, no, it was the shear improbability of an actual shark, or any salt water predator for that matter, making its way up the Trent-Severn waterway to wrestle the likes of such a man. Donovan is a man of many talents, one being improvisation. I have a lot of respect for improv artists, I’ll even argue that its a tougher gig than stand up comedy. How the heck can a guy get up in front of a crowd of hundreds of people and consistently entertain them, let alone hold their attention, with nothing but mere suggestions of material and subject matter? TALENT, that’s what! I respect that, and I love what Jason, Jeff Higgins, Evan Moir and the whole Van46 crew have done with themselves in the last year. Check out their comedy skits here and give praise. To Jason I say, keep on keep’n on, and let me know when that taxidermist finishes stuffing the shark. Man, that thing was like a 14 footer, jeepers!

9. Rebecca Spring and Darryl Johnston:

Rebecca and Darryl have been good friends of mine since first year university at Guelph. For some reason they’ve been together since then, I can’t figure it out really…. Maybe its because of Darryl’s world famous clam chowder, or his award winning spicy sausage gumbo, or even his tantalizing roasted corn on the cob, all these things, mixed with a chiseled figure, rapier wit and of course a Dodge Mini-Van equipped for toting they’re future offspring. Of course Rebecca’s radiant beauty, kindness, incredible patience, great taste in photography and of course, those legs….. help the situation as well. I guess I just figured it out. Another amazing thing about Darryl and Rebecca, is this one time during World War Two, Darryl and Rebecca rode onto the battlefield at Normandy on the back of a giant mutated squirrel. Somehow Darryl was able to fashion a mount for this brutish, forest dwelling, nut forager, and as Rebecca brandished a high powered machine rifle, Darryl guided his trusty steed directly into the path of some of the most fearsome National Socialists the war had ever seen. They won the battle, yes indeed they did, after delivering a high-powered explosive device to the enemies headquarters, while galloping past at an incredible rate, and detonating it as they both gazed passionately into each other eyes. Then, they made out, squirrel-back, as the dust and brick and stone of the explosion whizzed past them at high speed. James Cameron, eat your fucking heart out. I love you guys, congratulations on getting hitched, may 2011 be a splendid year for you both. #9 is reserved for you.

8. Polina Bam:

Polina Bam. In this patriarchal society, one weeps at the possibility of such a fantastic last name being folded away into the realm of history. With great namesakes come with them greatness by association, and #8 goes to Polina. I’ve never met a more kindhearted individual, and it’s thanks to her that I was able to find one of the most horrible course loads of my post secondary career, bearable. Hey Polina, remember that time we were in a group of like, 8 people and then like, only 3 people like, did any work and then the rest of the group probably got decent marks because like, we worked so hard? That was the best! If ever there were a woman who could traverse the entire globe with a backpack and a walking stick, I would most definitely slot her in as the top pick. Travel success includes smiles, kindness and knowledge of food and wine. Polina embodies each, and as this was her last semester at Guelph, I wish thee prosperity and wonder as you travel the globe spreading Bam cheer and delight as you go, like a beautiful flowering vine, that smells of honeysuckle and watermelons. Yaaay!

7. Liam Quinn:

Tiny Liam Quinn is but the apple of my eye, and the eye of Rob and Meghan, his makers. He can barely form perfect sentences, but the way this guy constructs and maintains a whole train yard full of the complete cast of Thomas the Tank Engine, is nothing short of extraordinary. As well, Liam’s coloring skills have ripened, as his ability to color inside the lines improves everyday. Liam also excels at impressions, and in particular of his doggy, Poppy. For some unknown reason, Poppy has the tendency to gargle and ‘cack,’ if you will, when confronted with a situation not to her liking. Think of it as the sound your Uncle Tim makes when he’s smoked too much from his tobacco pipe, and needs to clear the nasal cavity, that’s the sound. Well, Liam captures it perfectly, and the facial expressions to match, a man after my own heart. May your year be filled with toilet training success, new pre-school friends and an even more careful and detailed stroke of the Crayola. Hi Liam! Sorry for yelling.

6. Eric Fallon:

If you’ve been to a party wherein Eric Fallon has attended, you’ve probably encountered the fucking ringer. Nudity and coarse language abound the atmosphere when Fallon attends what was once a mild mannered dinner party, strong parental discretion is recommended to attend such get-togethers. Eric is not a model for 1980’s Chatelaine Limited Edition couples photo-shoots, nor an accredited Zoologist, no; he is a professional Michael Bolton look-alike. I once saw Eric bring the house down at a local retirement community, as his rendition of ‘When a Man Loves a Woman’ soared forth, proving that even a cover of a cover can be even more breathtaking than the original. Eric has brought much joy to my life in the past year, he seems to attract the fun, and the people I meet through him bring equal joy. Fallon is a well-dressed cat too, and while he looks like a million bucks, the guy has an academic and eclectic taste in literature, something you may not assume from the ‘enthusiastic’ that Eric embodies. I reserve #6 for this man, as he truly is one of the most intriguing of 2010.

5. Mandeep Flora:

Dipp, or officially known as Mandeep Flora. I love his photography, I mean, that shit just makes me jealous. #5 goes to this man, a fine man at that. I don’t know if anyone saw, but recently in the Globe and Mail, there was a story about a guy who saw two old ladies being robbed on Dovercourt, in Toronto. Well, that was Dipp. The guy ran 8 blocks up the street; only realizing the petty thug he was after, had lured Dipp onto his turf, as when he finally ran around the corner at Dovercourt Park, there were six other dark, shadowy figures. Little did this posse of seven strong realize, Dipp is a 9^th degree black belt, and has been listed by the Guinness Book of World Records as being the fastest human being to wield a collapsible Billy club. Before those despicable thieving bastards knew it, two of them needed reconstructive face surgery, one required a synthetic knee cap, another two died from shear terror, and the other two broke their OWN arms upon realizing the immense pain and suffering they would have undergone if Dipp had gotten hold of them. Jeepers. He gathered the purses, and then returned them to their rightful, senior citizen owners. The top five of the most intriguing must be kept for such greatness, but for fuck sakes, maybe ease up on the stellar photographics, it hurts my feelings. I love you.

4. Jamie Morren:

Jamie Morren is yet again another impeccable photographer. He’s been taking a photograph, or several, everyday for the past year, in fact he’s at 354, today. That is no small feat, and it’s a respectable one. I find it hard to get motivated and pick up the camera; let alone find composable material that compliments my style and lens, and mood for that matter. Jamie is able to do all of these things, everyday. My God. He’s also excellent with a guitar and to boot, holds a mean garage party every Christmas Eve. A party that leaves me smelling like a synthetic campfire made of cigarettes, but filled with the killer energy that a solid group of people generates, stoking the real fires for the rest of the year. Parties like these truly embody the expression that it’s not where you are, it’s who your with.  Jamie recently moved to Toronto to pursue a career in photography and advertising, a creative like myself. To you my good man, I bestow the wishes of success and good health and may every year from this one forth, may I find myself in your garage, spouting prose like a beer-crazed banshee. Ahoy!

3. Julian Pinder:

Julian is someone I hold in very high esteem. His accomplishments in the last year are undeniably something we should all strive for. He released his documentary film, LAND, a piece he had been working on since late 2005. Its quite a film, and I say so sincerely, as it came from a rookie director, and from a budget that was self financed, and built upon a schedule that involved quite a lot of world travel, and of course hard work. Julian also co-owns Toronto’s first urban winery, V1 Wines, and was kind enough to entrust me with shooting V1’s annual grape stomping in Etobicoke. Julian is a Dundas boy like myself, and is an all around talented fellow, sporting skills with the guitar on top of his skills with the camera. I look forward to his next project, through his production company, Deliberate Films, a story following the ever-spreading oil and fuel industry in the Northwest of Canada. For the first of the top 3, I reserve this spot of Mr. Pinder. May your year be as prosperous as 2010.

2. The Guelph Harem:

Number 2 is reserved for a group of ladies that could combine to form a super power zord, even the Power Rangers themselves could not defeat. How exactly they would combine is completely up for interpretation by everyone reading this. I don’t know, some kind of surgery or something? Anyway, I owe a whole two semesters of fantastic partying, laughs, and all around tomfoolery to this bunch. Cody seems to know how to uncontrollably laugh at almost anything, and I mean anything, don’t take her to a funeral; a comedy show of some sort would suit her much more. Sarah, in her glory, can outdrink me. How this relatively tiny girl can do so, is up for scientific review, and if there are any scientists reading, I’m sure you’d be eager to study the inner workings of Sarah’s alcoholic digestive system, wink! Maddie can speak to animals. Yep, she once had a full on conversation with a Black Grouse, and discussed the troublesome nature of migration and the difficult task of culling his young grouse chicks out of the nest, to fly. His name was Harold, and he was hatched on the shores of the Mississippi. Finally, Vanessa is like the glue that holds the group together, perhaps butcher’s glue, the kind that really gets you going after you fill a zip lock bag half full and haul a lungful. Somehow she seemed to be able to make it through the semester this year, even with crutches and without a cellphone.  To this fine group of young ladies I say, may the force be with you, and may the next year bring you joy, success and may your hangovers and sicknesses last but a few moments and may your hair not have bad days and may you not break any bones and may you find happiness and joy and love. God bless.

1. Momma and Poppa Dalgleish:

Finally, we come to number one, and for such an honor I reserve for my parents, Momma and Poppa Dalgleish. For if it were not for them, this list would not be made possible, in fact, a heck of a lot would not be possible and I must here take my place as a humble son, and give thanks for this miracle of a marriage. I don’t say miracle lightly. I’m not privy to the exact statistics, but to have parents still in love and holding a strong marriage after some 30 years, is quite something, and it does wonders for the rest of the facets of their lives. Like me, my brother, our pets, our home and all the security, love, companionship and trust that comes out of something like that. Marriage aside, these two individuals are pretty damn interesting. Patricia, or as I’ve deemed, Trish the Dish, is a hard working Educational Assistant. I’d say its one of the most thankless jobs in the education industry, or for any industry at that. A great deal of humility, patience and heart is required to work with disabled and troubled kids, and from what I’ve seen and heard, she does more than her share of a fantastic job. Doug, or Douggles if you will, is a prison superintendent. Until this year, I’d really no idea just how big the scale was for the guy, in his position. He runs Maplehurst Correctional Complex in Milton, Ontario. Its a high security prison with a staff of around 500 and a budget reaching into the 8 figure category. How this man goes to work and deals with the conundrums of a giant government facility, holding some of the worst assholes Canada has to offer, and then comes home with the bright demeanor I encounter everyday, is nothing short of intriguing. Let’s face it ladies and gentlemen, if it weren’t for the love, wisdom and grace that my (as you can see) quite attractive parents, bestowed upon yours truly, I’d be simply a worthless bum. No ifs, ands, or buts…. And so, with my most fervent and exclusive endearments, I present the number one spot, reserved for my makers. Thank you for everything, and may the next year bring you joy, happiness and maybe a little less of your son’s personal indiscretions (taps the nose). I love you both.

To all who read this in full, I thank you kindly. For further reading, check out last years list. Also, to those who know me and know me well, and to those who didn’t make this list, its a little arbitrary, and if I had all the time in the world, I’d write a blurb and a homage to each and everyone of my friends and acquaintances. Try to take the love and kindness I show here and pay it forward, the Earth could always use a little more of both. Happy New Year!

Everything from scratching an itch on a dogs ear, the camaraderie of childhood rivalries, the intangible feeling someone felt from a kiss, the admiration from a kind gesture, the relief from a helping hand, the pride felt in the accomplishment they created to the images, smells, touches and sounds of a brother or sister, son or daughter, nephew or niece, friend or foe, acquaintance or colleague, all coalesce in a living bubble of memories and experiences that is carried in the minds and hearts and stories of the literal thousands of people and living beings that came into contact with a human being. It is of course something that cannot last, but this is important to note, for like the whole, the sum of its parts are fleeting and each and every thought and memory should be cherished, held true and given meaning. Such is life, and in this day and age, it is important to understand the value of such a thing.

This one was put together by the American Museum of Natural History. Awesome.

This completely insane diagram details the metabolic processes that are happening at any given moment in your body. It’s what makes you work. (Via Reddit, where you’ll find a 50MB TIF version.)

Ever wanted X-ray specs or super-human vision? Chromoscope lets you explore our Galaxy (the Milky Way) and the distant Universe in a range of wavelengths from X-rays to the longest radio waves.

Your puny human visual sensors can detect only a small sliver of the electromagnetic spectrum. Use the handy Chromoscope slide-bar to see what you’re missing, and view the Universe as god does (or satellites, whatever).

I was recently at a show in Toronto and went to an after-party with some very talented artists. My friend Dilan passed this link on to me. Kris Kuksi is from Missouri and his sculptures are rooted in the general distaste for pop culture, greed and materialism. Some of these sculptures are valued at over $500,000, and some took thousands of man hours to produce. I think they’re worth every penny.

(via Blue Blots)